Never be someone else.

16.9.13

“Do the things that interest you and do them with all your heart. Don't be concerned about whether people are watching you or criticizing you. The chances are that they aren't paying any attention to you. It's your attention to yourself that is so stultifying. But you have to disregard yourself as completely as possible. If you fail the first time then you'll just have to try harder the second time. After all, there's no real reason why you should fail. Just stop thinking about yourself.” ― Eleanor Roosevelt, You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life
I used to want to be someone else rather than be myself. I used to be another person. But people change, every day we're a different person each day. We experience things, see things, face scenes. Somehow something inside us changes, too. Whether we realize it or not, we are changing as each moments passes. We're completely a different person than we were two hours ago. Something might have happened in the two-hour time that could alter us.

I see other people. I see their perfection and then I look at myself, in the mirror. I'm nowhere near perfection. But that doesn't really matter. What matters is that there are people out there that truly love me for who I am. That accepts me with all my imperfections. That supports me whenever I'm out or truly lost. Though sometimes I feel I'm not worth it, but love is a strange thing, the strangest. I look around, I'm glad I'm surrounded by people that complete me.

If I am given the chance, I'd want to be someone else. I want to be perfect. I want to look into the mirror and see a perfect girl without flaws, that smiles with true happiness with no lines of troubles in the forehead and the two pools of eyes bear nothing than enthusiasm.

But I know, even if someone offered to change me, I don't want to change myself. I am who I am today, who I was in the past and who I will be in the future. I just want to stay this way, careless and clumsy and fussy, because this is me, made of the things I've faced since I was born. I am me. I won't be anyone else. I don't want to.

My name is Fatin Athirah Azmi.
But people call me Fifiey.
I am seventeen years old. I was born in 1996.
I like to read.
I like to blog.
I like to make my friends laugh.
I like to tell stories to my friends.
I love my family.
I care about my family so much.
I love my friends.
I feel protective of my friends.
I appreciate everything I have in life.
I am easily distracted, emotionally.
When I'm angry, I stay quiet, I don't talk to anyone.
I don't like people giving orders to me.
I like cartoons, so what?
I like Merlin, Twilight, Harry Potter, The Infernal Devices, Percy Jackson.
I fall in love, I have crushes.
I want to be a doctor.
I want to go to Trinity College, University of Dublin, Ireland.
I want to run away from Malaysia for a while.
I want to learn to live by myself.
I'm sensitive.
I miss Rasulullah.

And I am me.
No one can change that.

“Just remember to always be yourself and don’t be afraid to speak your mind or to dream out loud” ― J.A. Redmerski, The Edge of Never

Camping Perdana 2013 {1-month gap, lol}

I am a dreamer!

Assalamualaikum! Oh no. I'm awesome. Yes, today I'm awesome. Awfully awesome. Have you counted? Bwahahaha. Dah genap sebulan aku tak hapdet ini belog maaaa. Osem kan osem kan kan kan? Means, I was busy with SPM trial. Soooooooooooooooooooooooo, I had to abandon this poor spiderweb of mine, lol. And I had to ignore everything, the novels, the Facebook, the Twitter, the love, the...everything! Ahem sebenarnya internet kat rumah ni down down down je sepanjang masa. Currently I'm using in the internet with the help of Kakngah's broadband.

I wasn't on Twitter for weeks, so it kinda surprised my friends. Hahahaha. Teringat Auni kata, "Fiey, terkejut saya rumah awak tak ada internet!" and I "Hehe" jelah at her *awat bahasa rojak ni*. Well, I'm still alive without Twitter or Facebook! Yay me! xD

After the last payyyyyyyyyyyyper, all form 5 and upper 6 students went camping at Kem Pengakap Tengku Ismail Telaga Batin wei betul ke tak nama aku tulis ni --" Terharu weh pergi kem, rasa jakun sangat sebenarnya. Terpaksa berdikari sendiri. Oh thank Allah I have my friends around me, or else balik awal ah aku wahaha. 5 Muslim gempak gila! Kumpulan 8 pun osem bangettt! *tak sedar pulak sekumpulan dengan anak Ustaz Azhar Idrus, ok dilarang mendapatkan publisiti murahan di sini, Fifiey* xD

I was in the same group with Auni *oh yay* and Dowaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. Actually ramai lagi orang lain, tapi aku rapat dengan dua orang ni je. Shahiela sorang lagi. Dowa tu memang forever aku dengan dia sejak hari first. Entah ah kenapa yang chemistry sangat, ada je menda yang nak digelakkan and dibuat bersama. Kakak-kakak Form 6 group aku pun sangat sporting and best! :D

Perihal 5 Muslim pulak, hari-hari gaduh. Kalau bebudak lelaki datang kat tempat memasak kiteorang, ada jelah yang akan berperang mulut. Ada je tak kena! Tapi bukan gaduh besar pun, gaduh-gaduh saja sebagai warna-warni kehidupan *pahceroh ah Fiey xD*. Lepas tu main Truth or Dare pada malam last dengan muslimat 5 Muslim sahaja. Oh bestt. #Walhal sebelum tu aku dah tido, bila dengar orang duk main, aku bangun dan main sekali hahaha

Overall perkhemahan ni best. Harap maklum gambar takda sebab aku malas bawak kamera dan henpon aku habis bateri *rasanya kalau campak henpon ni takde perubahan pun --"* Aku nak sangat ambik gambar masa budak-budak kelas aku solat berjemaah atas tikar kat luar khemah. Huuu. Tapi henpon aku dah habis bateri. Aku simpan dalam ingatan aku jelah en. Time baca Yassin sama-sama pun, best :') Bila lagi nak buat menda macam ni sama-sama. Ni lah kemuncaknya. Lepas ni kiteorang kena tumpu study untuk SPM.

Disney

Doakan aku and sahabat-sahabat aku batch 0913 di SHAMS supaya kami dapat keputusan cemerlang untuk trial SPM ni dan SPM sebenar nanti. Kami ambik 11 subjek, dan kami mintak dengan Allah supaya kurniakan kami 11A+. Ya Allah... Ya Allah... Kau perkenanlah doa kami. Biarlah tahun ini kami menaikkan nama SHAMS matahari kami lagi untuk keputusan SPM dan trial kami. Aku percaya, Ya Allah, batch aku semua baik-baik dan kami mampu mencapai 11A+ jika Engkau mengizinkan kami.

When the time comes, Allah will give you what you need.
Hardship is like vaccine, it sickens, to make you stronger.
Keep your hopes alive, have faith in Allah. When the time is right, He will give the thing to you. If He doesn't, there must be a special reason.

Life is tough, but you CAN be tougher. Keep filling your heart with love to Allah, and you'll find true happiness.

Love, Auni.
True friends are like diamonds, hard to find, very rare but precious.