Terkadang kita sendiri tak sedar
Suddenly today aku teringat. Sementara tunggu baju tengah rendam, duduk depan kipas. Bersantai sikit, seharian. And then tetiba tengah merenung apa yang berlaku harini, about what bothers me today and mostly berkait dengan entry aku sebelum ni, pasal crush.
So you see I'm going to be honestly honest, I do have a crush and it just started recently and I don't know whether it has exceeded a certain limit of affection or not (I hope not). I'd been trying to find a way to avoid having a crush but of course, nothing seemed to work because of my hangat hangat tahi ayam. And then there's that previous entry I found on the internet.
The only sentence that rips my heart open, sentap nak mati, is, "Bukan ke Allah suruh tundukkan pandangan?" I do that, but maybe it's not enough. That brings me to my next point.
Aku teringat. Dalam banyak-banyak perkara, aku teringat yang satu ni. Time aku Form 5, tengah bersantai dengan para pimpinan perempuan. I remember Nad leading the casual meeting tepi bangunan under the tree duduk atas rumput. We were discussing something about our juniors.
Though I can't exaggerate the real topic, but the main issue was "couple" and "ikhtilat" (hubungan lelaki dan perempuan). The cases of juniors (our peers, too, actually) having boyfriends/girlfriends were increasing and we had to find a way to reduce the numbers. Before anyone could get to their points, Nad spoke first.
"Saya rasa kita tak payah tekankan isu couple ni. Kita kena cakna isu solat. Sebab semuanya bermula daripada solat seseorang, solat tu lah yang menggambarkan seseorang tu. So sekarang ni kita kena cari jalan, macamana nak bantu adik-adik betulkan solat. Mungkin ada yang tak tahu."
Hadohhh. Memang betul, pangkalnya tetap solat. Pusinglah tang mana pun, it has to do with our solat. And no matter how hard we try to stop the couple issue, we couldn't because we didn't dig through the root - solat. That was why Nad suggested what she suggested.
And maybe that's the thing with me, too, or with us. Nak lupakan crush, tundukkan pandangan, tapi tak boleh, why? Something wrong somewhere. And we shouldn't do nothing about it. It demands to be fixed.
P/s: tapi macam serabut jugak ada crush ni. It's part torturous. Tetiba tahu crush suka kat kawan kita, the disappointment tu kan. And asyik nak cari dia je. Buang masa suka orang yang tak layan pun kita. Kuikuikui. So ayuhhh, mari berjuang takyah crush crush lagi! Hoyeahhh
P/s 2: I think the media affects me as well. The movies. The books. The music. Oh how am I going to get rid of this feeling if I can't even think of putting the books away /.\