The Reality of Life.

Hey there! Haven't posted in here for a while. But things are getting out of hands these days. I'm having too much mood swings and I super hate these. Keep thinking of giving up but I know it's an incoherent thing to do because this is only just the beginning. Besides, I'm not going to waste my time, my parents' money and effort by giving it all in to the darkness.

Thinking of going back home and settling myself just in Terengganu. There are too many pressure, affairs, scandals and other things that rips my heart opens, leading to frequent mood swings and one thing about me you should know that I don't react well to mood swings. I may be mad at something else, but someone will have to be the black sheep of my outburst.

I miss my parents.

I need them here with me.

I desperately need to see their faces every day .

I want to see my sisters' and brother's faces.

I just need familiarity and love.

I'm also at the point where I don't even know what's good and what's bad for me. I'm starting to doubt the path I'm taking right now, whether it's the 'thing' for me or I'm just doing this for my family. Shame on me, my class did a group discussion recently and I had made  my point on doing what you love , and not because of others / things because you're going to live with it your whole life, but my friends said we shouldn't be SELFISH. They did have a strong arguement there, but...

I want to do the right thing, do something I have interest in , but in the same time I want to live to my parents' (and family's) expectations because disappointing them seems too cruel and ungrateful to me. I LOVE THEM and RESPECT THEM to the point where I don't care what happens to me as long as they're happy...

I've expressed this to my roommates and they are very understanding but they can't help me any more than they can help themselves. I did some trivia, quizzes and tests online to find something suitable for me, where I'd stressed myself after finishing those. They didn't even help! HELP!

But there's one thing I'm sure of in the end, no matter how hard, I will endure this. I won't give up, that I can promise you, yes, you. So that one day if I ever gave up, you'd step in front of me saying, "You promised you wouldn't give up!" and then shake me on the shoulders, waking me up. I can tell you that I'm the one who endures every pain and hardship until the end. I don't have that breaking point , I never had and I hope I'll stay that way until the very end.

Being a hormonal-imbalanced teenage girl and living in PASUM certainly don't do well for me, but if Allah wills, with His blessings, I'm going to survive this phase. Insya Allah .

Yelah, takkan nak duk rumah tunggu orang masuk meminang je kan......! LOL.

Bye. =)


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