Alya gemok gendut berasap

27.5.16

hi this post is dedicated to alyaqilahassan96.blogspot.my make time for her blog, guys. she likes to talk about farts, poops and other gross stuff (although she does not include these in her blog, only in daily conversation). i still don't know why we're STILL friends. she's really annoying and it would be best if you guys annoy her, too.


best regards, ipy

The Three Circles of Time!

Assalamualaikum everyone ;3

Have you heard about the three circles depicting our perspectives of time? *excuse my gobbledygook vocab, I've been watching Sheldon spitting craps on The Big Bang Theory these few days* *oh by the way I didn't learn gobbledygook from Sheldon, but it somehow exists in Human Communication subject*

OH I AM SOOOO SORRY this is all Sheldon Cooooooooooper.


Okay, basically these three circles. One time during our Human Communication class, Madam asked us to draw three circles. Randomly. On a sheeeet of paper. I never knew about these time circles until then, so I just drew three freaking non-overlapping circles.



So... I drew something like this.......... (after that, Madam made us label each of the circle with 'past', 'present' and 'future') I know, right? So noob. If you look at one angle, you could definitely tell Mickey that you've found a hidden Mickey.

The circles were supposed to be overlapping each other, but of course, being the "do whatever your instructor ask" kind of student... well, you know the deal. They are supposed to overlap because OUR PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE ARE FREAKING CONNECTED! How can the past, present and future not connected? -_-

Also, not to mention after drawing and labeling, Madam called out six names to present their drawings. And guess whose name was called first? =D Of course it would be me, unprepared, with three awkward non-overlapped circles in my hands, yay me! :')

Lepas tu Qibah buat lawak bagi aku makan mentos (untuk hilangkan nervous), and since Mentos is the kind of sweets that you have to chew for a while.... for goodness' sake, I shouldn't have taken it. Cemana nak present kat depan kalau mulut tengah kunyah mentos? DAHLAH NERVOUS PASTU NAK KENA TELAN MENTOS YANG TAK HABIS KUNYAH LAGI PLAK TUH NEBES KITE NEBES!


OK so then I proceeded to tell the whole class about the circles.

I drew the biggest circle and labelled it 'past' because I tend to hold my past as this big anchor for me. My past means a lot to me. Without it, I wouldn't be who I am today. I told the class that the best part of my past was in the year 2013, my SPM year. Typically the ending moment for a certain period (in this case, high school period), would be the best time ever appreciated. What is English guys

SPM year somehow introduced me to freedom. There was this indescribable feeling of letting my wings go free and walls down. It was like, I felt that I was no longer entitled to being in a closed shell of some sekolah agama stereotypes. Seriously, if I stayed in that shell for a little while longer, I wouldn't survive PASUM and UniSZA right now :'))))

(although I'm having a feeling UniSZA is starting to suffocate me with those stereotypes once more kbai)

One may say it doesn't do much to dwell on the past (I have a strong feeling Albus Dumbledore said this lol), but I kinda miss it a lot. Aku rasa sekolah menengah lah time paling memorable and awesome, so it's a loss to people yang take everything seriously and don't stop to have fun. Because you don't get to have all that time dah masuk IPTA or IPTS.

OKla, you may get to have fun during college life, but your circle of friends won't be the same as the one during high school. And after college you need to get a job and a life. The end.

Somehow, we need to cherish every moment we got. The past, the present, the future. I drew the present circle medium-sized because my present time is kinda okay right now. Life is not as great as SHAMS or PASUM, but it doesn't suck. (well, it does sometimes but those phases come to pass) We live in the present, so better make it count. The little things.

Life's great. Thanks.

We don't know the future, so that's why I drew the future part the smallest. Lol. I actually have no plans yet for the future, except for pursuing my Masters in God-knows-what-course in God-knows-where.

It's kinda boring but that's all I've got for now.

Maybe Masters in Literature...? I guess? In New Zealand. I guess? Life is a long list of possibilities and guesses and if we delve deeper we'd be lost in oblivion. K.

But as to now, I'm more intrigued by communication stuff, so we'll see.

Okay after I presented my circles, Madam remarked that I did well and although Dumbledore said that it doesn't do well to dwell on the past, Madam said it was okay because I cherished on the happier and merrier thoughts of the past. Meaning kalau engkau nak mengenang kisah lalu, boleh je tapi yang happy happy and baik baik jelah, yang sesedih takyahlah.

Atau erti kata lain, move on jela. Make and build new memories.

We got to hear a few of others' circles, they sketched different sizes and in different patterns (unlike my non-overlapping ones). And in the end (this is the best part)... Madam picked one of the six (with the help of the whole class) as the best explanation, thus being rewarded with one extra carry mark. CAN YOU GUESS WHO GOT THAT EXTRA MARK?!? CANNNNNNNN YOUUUUUUUUUUU GUESSSSSSSSSS

Yep, it's me! *cue the applause*

Thank you, Madam! And my fellow classmates! I love you guys :-*


These 'past', 'present' and 'future' can also be seen in a value orientation in the study of intercultural communication. It is called 'orientation to time'.

1. For the 'future' orientation, they simply include saving money for the future, for future needs and stuff. This is typical in most US cultural communities.

2. As for the 'present' orientation, they emphasise on the here-and-now and the value of living in the moment. Such as in Spain and Greece.

3. The 'past' orientation puts emphasis on the past, believing that history has something to contribute to our understanding of the present. We can see this in Europe and Asia (basically us lah kot). SEE! THAT'S WHY MY PAST CIRCLE IS THE BIGGEST!

Nevertheless, as a person, we have all three orientations in us, such as we also have both individualist and collectivist cultures inside of us, depending on the situations. I am 70% sure you have no idea what I'm babbling about so I'll stop here.

It's okay I'll ask Professor X to transfer all this data on cultures into your heads, genetically enhanced readers

On another note... I'm on a semester break for three months! YAY! I've watched Captain America: Civil War and X-Men: Apocalypse (hence the photo of Charles above) and I couldn't be happier! Well, a little disappointed with Civil War but we'll get to that in the next post, yeah?

Thank you for your time! Have a blast and cherish every moment.


** Gobbledygook: language that is meaningless or is made unintelligible by excessive use of abstruse technical terms; nonsense.

Positive vibes

2.5.16

Assalamualaikum. Dah masuk 1 Mei dah. Selamat Hari Buruh, bruh! Hehehe

Recently I had Alya coming to my house, so that we could lepak together. The car that I usually use got some aircond problems, so my dad hantar kedai lah untuk check. Aku pun malas nak keluar, jadi ajaklah Alya datang rumah (wow) (miracle nya) (alya datang rumah) (alya keluar wow).

She brought crab stick popiah cheese (homemade) and we ate while watching Khurafat. And then we watched Munafik and Putih, the Malay animation cartoon when we were kids.


After Asar, we played a board game called Master Malaysia. This game was famous during our secondary school. It's a game mainly on Malaysian facts. If you're a real pro of Malaysian history, geography and EVERYTHING, you should play this game.

This game has dice and a board to play on. We can choose our own avatar (or what do you call them, the colourful things differentiating each player?) and then we roll the dice, and move our avatar. The board is square and each side has different colours. The first one is green, then red, yellow and then blue.

If you reach the green zone, you have to draw a green card and answer the question (other players have to do this for you since the answer to the question is also on the card).

So green cards ask about LAND (geography), red cards ask about PEOPLE (people we should've known in Malaysia, I don't know most of them lol), yellow is for HERITAGE and blue is CULTURE. There's also some spots that you can choose either the previous colours or purple. Purple is for GENERAL questions. General questions are the easiest I think.

I enjoy this game even though I don't know most of the answers to the questions LOL and there are score sheets provided but Alya and I played using our own rules. We made up our own rules. Oh, there's also ELEMENTARY cards, where you only have to answer TRUE or FALSE. You play until you win lah kot hahahahahahah


After Maghrib, I went for dinner with Alya. Then I had to send her home. :(

I drove home then. And I went to bed. I couldn't sleep, though. There were sad thoughts screaming all over. It usually happened after spending a whole day with Alya or Piah or Kakti or Piqah or Ainul. A day with them is just so... carefree and the only day I can be myself. I'm happier with them.

Thing is when those thoughts took over, my mind went over to Universiti Malaya, UniSZA and all the things that are happening right now. The "what ifs" were all over me. Kenapa aku tak dapat UM? Kenapa UM tak nak aku?

It's not basically that. I mean, why am I in UniSZA right now? It's too far. Alya, Piah, Piqah, Kakti they're all in Selangor or KL. If I were in KL, I could travel all the way to them, to meet them to spend time with them. Ainul pulak, lagi lah. Jauh di Kedah.

And it's not really helping with things happening in UniSZA. Life seems so bleak right now. No matter how hard I try blending in, it just doesn't work out. I still feel like I'm an outsider. Aku sorang je kot budak dari PASUM. Nampak sangat buangan huhuhu I'm the real definition of trash. All other students have their own gangs from previous foundation or diploma or whatever. Besides, they are all from English background (TESL foundation and diploma and whatnot) so it's hard to mingle.

That night when I was trying to go to sleep, I cried really bad. I didn't know what to do and I felt so helpless and so lonely. No matter how hard I try... there's no one like Piah... or Alya... or Kakti... or Ainul... or Piqah. Or even Wahidah or Amal or Syisyi or Suzie. None. Nil.


Honestly I felt really helpless. I didn't know what to do anymore. I felt like giving up, I didn't want to be in UniSZA anymore. I wanted to go somewhere else, anywhere but not UniSZA.

Every day, I told myself, "I like UniSZA, this is UniSZA, my pride." I WANT TO LOVE UNISZA, but I can't bring myself to it. I don't feel like staying. Yes, yes, I know, the best part is that I got to stay at home, I got to save money on hostel and food and all, but no one's me.

Don't make me mention the relatives who, whenever they see me, will say, "Kenapa dari UM masuk UniSZA?", "Tak boleh berenggang dengan Ummi Walid ke?" with eyes judging me. You don't know how bad I already feel on not getting into UM, but people still keep rubbing salt into my wounds. Whenever I see photos of my friends in UM together, I die a little inside. It's crazy.

I cried my eyes out. It didn't feel good at all.

But then, a friend of mine, my classmate, messaged me on WhatsApp. She read my tweet.


We chatted a lot that night. She said she felt the same, she felt like she didn't belong. And suddenly we admitted that everything that we ever did was all an act. Aku selalu berlakon tough like I don't care that I'm alone. But actually it's just an act of trying to make myself feel better. Entahlah, sometimes being OK with whatever shit you're dealing with, is the only thing pushing you forward.


We're quite close la since we got to be in the same group at the start of the semester. I also got other close friends but, you know, it still feels like I don't belong???

In the end, we both said to each other to be strong. Yelah, ada 3 years more. We can do this!!! It's not easy, but... well, we have no choice anyway. We keep going on jelah, if that's the last thing we do. Life may be hard, but giving up is never an option. Got many hearts to take care of and a future to secure :)

I'm always a positive person.

I always say to myself, "You can do this, Fi! You can ENDURE this!"

but...

How many times do I have to make myself feel better (even when things are not great), until I finally break?

P/S: Doakan aku and kengkawan final exam next week. 10th May until 17th May. We can do this!