I miss the old times
Assalamualaikum.
Okeh harini mari kita deep deep sikit, sebab dua tiga menjak ni aku suka deep sengsorang. Sengsorang dengan sengsara dekat dekat, so lebih kurang ah kan? #LawakHambar keh keh keh. Takde ah, nak compare dulu dan sekarang.
Sebenarnya rindu ni, I miss the times when my elder siblings weren't married yet. Ablong is excluded because he got married when I was two, so he doesn't count xD Plus, mana aku ingat perasaan sebelum Abelong kawen and selepas! Kecik lagi wei xD
The others, I mean, like Abecik, Kakak and Abang. The only ones not married yet are Kakngah and Amuh, though I suspect them to get married anytime this year.......or not.
Kakak is the fourth child in our family, but she got married first despite being younger than Abecik. I was nine when she married Abang Shaffie. But before that, Kakak spoiled me so much, okay, and called me "adik" (no one called me "adik" back then sebab Amuh was "adik" for nine years before I was born, so the title "adik" got stuck to him). Kakak is the soft sister, compared to Kakngah.
She'd protect me when Kakngah was furious with me, well, Kakngah is rather a strict sister. These two, have different contradicted personalities. Aku ingat lagi masa tu Kakngah marah aku, pegang rotan (but she didn't rotan me because Walid pun tak pernah rotana ku) and rotan meja, pastu aku nanges, Kakak pun cakap kat Kakngah, "Dahlah tu, Ngah.."
I miss that time. Kakak won't defend me anymore, in this adulthood of mine, because I stopped crying in front of everyone since I started high school.
Maybe we have some kind of an unexplained sisterly bond, because Kakak gave the name Fatin Athirah to me. Walid named me Fatin Syuhada (seriously, Walid? -_-) in relation to Kakngah's second name, Noorsyahida, but Kakak was fourteen and learning Arabic when I was born, so she might have picked up that 'Athirah' name in her lessons. (or maybe it was the year, Ummi said most babies born in 1996 were named 'Athirah')
Seriously, rinduuuu sangat kat Kakak. Bila dia dah kawen, automatically, kasih sayangnya dah tercurah sepenuhnya dekat suami. So there I was, at the masjid, letting my Kakak go, to her chosen man. T_T
Well, at the time I knew nothing. All I cared about was, "Yayyy! Kenduri kat rumah!" I was soooo naive -_-
Lepas Kakak kawen, dia ikut Abang Shaffie ke Sarawak, sebab masa tu Abang Shaffie mengajar dekat sana. Kakak pun apply jadi cikgu dekat sana jugaklah.
Abecik anak ketiga dalam family. Lepas dua tiga tahun Kakak kawen, Abecik pun kawen jugak, dengan isteri dia, yakni Kakcik (aku la yang start panggil Kakcik). Abecik ni dulu dia retis, penyanyi gitulah. Mungkin korang kenal, mungkin tak. Dia kerja kat KL, jarang-jarang balik Terengganu. Tapi kalau balik, mesti dia belanja aku.
He liked to give me presents. I still remember, when I was nine, he came back home with a cute pink teddy bear in his car. I said to him that the teddy bear was cute and I wanted one, pleaseeeee. He said, "Tak boleh, tu orang lain punya. Nanti Abecik bagi yang lain, kay." I thought he was joking, because a few days later he left Terengganu and I got no teddy bear T^T
One day, when I was keenly watching the TV, my late nenek (belah Walid, panggil Che' je) datang kat ruang TV tu and signaled for me to follow her to the living room. I went with her.
Pastu, atas sofa kat ruang tamu tu, ada teddy bear besaaaaaaaaaaaar sangat!
Abecik's friend was the one delivering things/presents, angkut barang dari kereta. My eyes went searching for Abecik, but he was no where to be seen. I was confused at the time, sebab setahu aku masa tu, Abecik ada dekat England, tetiba sampai teddy bear besar tu kan!
I was over the moon, really. I love him for keeping his promise.
He'd do anything if I ask him to. He doesn't spend much time with us, so bila kadang-kadang balik tu, dia lah melayan adik bongsu dia ni. Nak gi beraya kat mana, dia bawak. Even after he got married to Kakcik, he still bawak aku gi beraya sana sini.
Bawak aku jenjalan.
Belikan aku set journal Twilight.
I'm not materialistic, but it's really special when you ask something you really want from someone, and he/she will give it to you....
But then, Abecik kawen and he has a family of his own, his wife and his children, so he needs to save, right? Lagipun sekarang he stopped being a celebrity/singer and he promises to never be one again. Even his job now doesn't give him much (compared to his former job), but it has given him peace and serenity. He needs to focus on giving his family their needs...
So, no can't do, I can't ask anything from him again, because I know how hard it is to earn money.
The fifth child. Anak tengah. Paling senyap, Kakngah said because he is the anak tengah kot. He is the brother I bear most resemblance to. Abang ni sebenarnya yang paling dekat dengan family, because he studied in Terengganu ever since he was born up till before university. He took his diploma first, in Terengganu (KuSZA, now UniSZA) before pursuing his studies in UniKL.
Sebab dia belajar kat Terengganu je dulu, selalu la gi jenguk dia kat KuSZA tu. Dia pun selalu balik. Kiranya yang selalu ada kat rumah dia lah. Tapi tu pun bukan selalu kat rumah, dia keluar jugak gi main bola tampar, his favourite sports since 1984 -_-
Abang dulu ada komputer, where I kept on playing games on it. Abang download banyak games, lepas tu kalau dia balik KuSZA aku lah main game, main jugak main jugak. Pastu aku suka tengok Abang main game yang lawan lawan tu, hoho. Biasanya Abang ajar aku camane nak menang xD Komputer dia memang banyak ah applications, masa tu tak pakai internet pun!
Lepas pada tu sikit, bila aku dah masuk darjah empat or lima, barulah aku berjinak-jinak dengan internet, tu pun bila start guna laptop Ummi. Time tu pakai internet yang dial-up tu je, takde lah Wifi Wifi bagai nih -.-
Okay ni bukan nak cerita pasal internet, nak cerita pasal Abang! XD
Aku pernah mintak teddy bear jugak dengan Abang tapi dia gi belikan patung teddy anjing -________- sebab dia tak tahu binatang apa sebenarnya, lurus jugak Abang aku ni xD Pastu Ummi bagi teddy tu dekat anak kawan dia yang Cina tak Islam (ehehehe). Anyway, thanks Abang for trying xD
Kiteorang gi melancong sama-sama, masa aku form 1, in 2009. Turki, Syria and Jordan. Masa kat Jordan, kat Laut Mati, dia gi mandi laut tu, pastu air masuk dalam masa pffffffft asdfghjkl mestilah sakit. Nasib baik masa tu ada paramedik bernama Fatin Athirah cepat-cepat gi ambik botol air masak dan memberikan bantuan, ekekekekekekee
I liked having him at home, because I was always alone with my parents, semua orang dah masuk universiti dah kawen dah kerja semua, tinggal jelah aku. Pastu bila dia kawen, dia tinggal dan kerja dekat KL jugak. Sedih titew, sedih! xD But every month he and wife and child akan balik Terengganu. But you know, it's different already. Sebelum kawen dan selepas kawen, mana nak sama, 'kan? :')
Teringat satu kisah ni, gi zoo Melaka dengan Ablong and family, along with Abang. Terpijak kaki Abang masa tu. Memula he was all quiet then suddenly he whispered to my ear, "Rasa macam kena pijak dengan lori."
-______-
Can't help it, nak tulis jugak pasal Abelong ni. Ablong ni masa aku dua tahun, dia kawen and he got his first baby that same year. And I got my playmate, Riazzzz heheheeee :3 Tapi Ablong duk KL, jarang la dapat main dengan Riaz. Kalau Riaz balik sini, main lah. Pernah jugak tinggal Riaz kat sini, masa tu that boy was a cutie and bambam comelll jah
Sekarang dah hensem, takleh nak cubit dah -_-
Abelong is anak sulung, and I guess he loves me the most kot. Atau perasaan aku je? xD He tries to be the best eldest brother. I can feel his love, not by him buying me things, but his way of expressing his love. Cewah ayat macam apa je xD Dia selalu nasihat, "Tolong jaga Ummi & Walid ye untuk Ablong," when it is time for him to leave Terengganu whenever he comes back for holiday or something.
He gives me some money for belanja, every time we say farewell to each other. Huwaaa. He's going to be 40 this year, and yes, people would've mistaken him for my Dad, I mean like, we're 22 years apart! -_-
Bila aku pergi KL, mesti dia tanya aku nak gi mana and all that, and he'd bring me (along with our parents la). Tapi aku ni jarang request nak gi memana, just ikut Ummi dan Walid je. Asal ada MPH dah lah. Huahuahuahua. That's me. And all of my siblings know that -.-
I have never been with them, sharing thoughts and childhood memories together.
If all of us siblings gather around, they would be the ones exchanging and recalling past events, I'd be there, hearing and laughing but not talking. I wasn't there with them, I wasn't in their childhood memories.
So you see, it's a bit sad for me, when one by one of my siblings got married and then there would be me, all single by myself. They would have half a dozen children each and I would still be in Ireland, getting my degree/Master/PhD done (hehehe insyaAllah). Balik balik Malaysia je tetiba dah berpuluh-puluh anak sedara. Uhuks.
I wish I had more time with them, or maybe... I wish they had more time with me. Now that they're married, their free time won't be for me. Huhuhu.
Toooooooootles! :3
Okeh harini mari kita deep deep sikit, sebab dua tiga menjak ni aku suka deep sengsorang. Sengsorang dengan sengsara dekat dekat, so lebih kurang ah kan? #LawakHambar keh keh keh. Takde ah, nak compare dulu dan sekarang.
Sebenarnya rindu ni, I miss the times when my elder siblings weren't married yet. Ablong is excluded because he got married when I was two, so he doesn't count xD Plus, mana aku ingat perasaan sebelum Abelong kawen and selepas! Kecik lagi wei xD
The others, I mean, like Abecik, Kakak and Abang. The only ones not married yet are Kakngah and Amuh, though I suspect them to get married anytime this year.......or not.
Kakak is the fourth child in our family, but she got married first despite being younger than Abecik. I was nine when she married Abang Shaffie. But before that, Kakak spoiled me so much, okay, and called me "adik" (no one called me "adik" back then sebab Amuh was "adik" for nine years before I was born, so the title "adik" got stuck to him). Kakak is the soft sister, compared to Kakngah.
She'd protect me when Kakngah was furious with me, well, Kakngah is rather a strict sister. These two, have different contradicted personalities. Aku ingat lagi masa tu Kakngah marah aku, pegang rotan (but she didn't rotan me because Walid pun tak pernah rotana ku) and rotan meja, pastu aku nanges, Kakak pun cakap kat Kakngah, "Dahlah tu, Ngah.."
I miss that time. Kakak won't defend me anymore, in this adulthood of mine, because I stopped crying in front of everyone since I started high school.
 |
| Eee macam Khadeejah -_- |
Maybe we have some kind of an unexplained sisterly bond, because Kakak gave the name Fatin Athirah to me. Walid named me Fatin Syuhada (seriously, Walid? -_-) in relation to Kakngah's second name, Noorsyahida, but Kakak was fourteen and learning Arabic when I was born, so she might have picked up that 'Athirah' name in her lessons. (or maybe it was the year, Ummi said most babies born in 1996 were named 'Athirah')
Seriously, rinduuuu sangat kat Kakak. Bila dia dah kawen, automatically, kasih sayangnya dah tercurah sepenuhnya dekat suami. So there I was, at the masjid, letting my Kakak go, to her chosen man. T_T
Well, at the time I knew nothing. All I cared about was, "Yayyy! Kenduri kat rumah!" I was soooo naive -_-
Lepas Kakak kawen, dia ikut Abang Shaffie ke Sarawak, sebab masa tu Abang Shaffie mengajar dekat sana. Kakak pun apply jadi cikgu dekat sana jugaklah.
Abecik anak ketiga dalam family. Lepas dua tiga tahun Kakak kawen, Abecik pun kawen jugak, dengan isteri dia, yakni Kakcik (aku la yang start panggil Kakcik). Abecik ni dulu dia retis, penyanyi gitulah. Mungkin korang kenal, mungkin tak. Dia kerja kat KL, jarang-jarang balik Terengganu. Tapi kalau balik, mesti dia belanja aku.
He liked to give me presents. I still remember, when I was nine, he came back home with a cute pink teddy bear in his car. I said to him that the teddy bear was cute and I wanted one, pleaseeeee. He said, "Tak boleh, tu orang lain punya. Nanti Abecik bagi yang lain, kay." I thought he was joking, because a few days later he left Terengganu and I got no teddy bear T^T
One day, when I was keenly watching the TV, my late nenek (belah Walid, panggil Che' je) datang kat ruang TV tu and signaled for me to follow her to the living room. I went with her.
Pastu, atas sofa kat ruang tamu tu, ada teddy bear besaaaaaaaaaaaar sangat!
 |
| Dah buruk dah Teddy aku :') |
Abecik's friend was the one delivering things/presents, angkut barang dari kereta. My eyes went searching for Abecik, but he was no where to be seen. I was confused at the time, sebab setahu aku masa tu, Abecik ada dekat England, tetiba sampai teddy bear besar tu kan!
I was over the moon, really. I love him for keeping his promise.
He'd do anything if I ask him to. He doesn't spend much time with us, so bila kadang-kadang balik tu, dia lah melayan adik bongsu dia ni. Nak gi beraya kat mana, dia bawak. Even after he got married to Kakcik, he still bawak aku gi beraya sana sini.
Bawak aku jenjalan.
Belikan aku set journal Twilight.
I'm not materialistic, but it's really special when you ask something you really want from someone, and he/she will give it to you....
But then, Abecik kawen and he has a family of his own, his wife and his children, so he needs to save, right? Lagipun sekarang he stopped being a celebrity/singer and he promises to never be one again. Even his job now doesn't give him much (compared to his former job), but it has given him peace and serenity. He needs to focus on giving his family their needs...
So, no can't do, I can't ask anything from him again, because I know how hard it is to earn money.
The fifth child. Anak tengah. Paling senyap, Kakngah said because he is the anak tengah kot. He is the brother I bear most resemblance to. Abang ni sebenarnya yang paling dekat dengan family, because he studied in Terengganu ever since he was born up till before university. He took his diploma first, in Terengganu (KuSZA, now UniSZA) before pursuing his studies in UniKL.
Sebab dia belajar kat Terengganu je dulu, selalu la gi jenguk dia kat KuSZA tu. Dia pun selalu balik. Kiranya yang selalu ada kat rumah dia lah. Tapi tu pun bukan selalu kat rumah, dia keluar jugak gi main bola tampar, his favourite sports since 1984 -_-
Abang dulu ada komputer, where I kept on playing games on it. Abang download banyak games, lepas tu kalau dia balik KuSZA aku lah main game, main jugak main jugak. Pastu aku suka tengok Abang main game yang lawan lawan tu, hoho. Biasanya Abang ajar aku camane nak menang xD Komputer dia memang banyak ah applications, masa tu tak pakai internet pun!
Lepas pada tu sikit, bila aku dah masuk darjah empat or lima, barulah aku berjinak-jinak dengan internet, tu pun bila start guna laptop Ummi. Time tu pakai internet yang dial-up tu je, takde lah Wifi Wifi bagai nih -.-
Okay ni bukan nak cerita pasal internet, nak cerita pasal Abang! XD
Aku pernah mintak teddy bear jugak dengan Abang tapi dia gi belikan patung teddy anjing -________- sebab dia tak tahu binatang apa sebenarnya, lurus jugak Abang aku ni xD Pastu Ummi bagi teddy tu dekat anak kawan dia yang Cina tak Islam (ehehehe). Anyway, thanks Abang for trying xD
Kiteorang gi melancong sama-sama, masa aku form 1, in 2009. Turki, Syria and Jordan. Masa kat Jordan, kat Laut Mati, dia gi mandi laut tu, pastu air masuk dalam masa pffffffft asdfghjkl mestilah sakit. Nasib baik masa tu ada paramedik bernama Fatin Athirah cepat-cepat gi ambik botol air masak dan memberikan bantuan, ekekekekekekee
I liked having him at home, because I was always alone with my parents, semua orang dah masuk universiti dah kawen dah kerja semua, tinggal jelah aku. Pastu bila dia kawen, dia tinggal dan kerja dekat KL jugak. Sedih titew, sedih! xD But every month he and wife and child akan balik Terengganu. But you know, it's different already. Sebelum kawen dan selepas kawen, mana nak sama, 'kan? :')
Teringat satu kisah ni, gi zoo Melaka dengan Ablong and family, along with Abang. Terpijak kaki Abang masa tu. Memula he was all quiet then suddenly he whispered to my ear, "Rasa macam kena pijak dengan lori."
-______-
Can't help it, nak tulis jugak pasal Abelong ni. Ablong ni masa aku dua tahun, dia kawen and he got his first baby that same year. And I got my playmate, Riazzzz heheheeee :3 Tapi Ablong duk KL, jarang la dapat main dengan Riaz. Kalau Riaz balik sini, main lah. Pernah jugak tinggal Riaz kat sini, masa tu that boy was a cutie and bambam comelll jah
Sekarang dah hensem, takleh nak cubit dah -_-
Abelong is anak sulung, and I guess he loves me the most kot. Atau perasaan aku je? xD He tries to be the best eldest brother. I can feel his love, not by him buying me things, but his way of expressing his love. Cewah ayat macam apa je xD Dia selalu nasihat, "Tolong jaga Ummi & Walid ye untuk Ablong," when it is time for him to leave Terengganu whenever he comes back for holiday or something.
He gives me some money for belanja, every time we say farewell to each other. Huwaaa. He's going to be 40 this year, and yes, people would've mistaken him for my Dad, I mean like, we're 22 years apart! -_-
Bila aku pergi KL, mesti dia tanya aku nak gi mana and all that, and he'd bring me (along with our parents la). Tapi aku ni jarang request nak gi memana, just ikut Ummi dan Walid je. Asal ada MPH dah lah. Huahuahuahua. That's me. And all of my siblings know that -.-
I have never been with them, sharing thoughts and childhood memories together.
If all of us siblings gather around, they would be the ones exchanging and recalling past events, I'd be there, hearing and laughing but not talking. I wasn't there with them, I wasn't in their childhood memories.
So you see, it's a bit sad for me, when one by one of my siblings got married and then there would be me, all single by myself. They would have half a dozen children each and I would still be in Ireland, getting my degree/Master/PhD done (hehehe insyaAllah). Balik balik Malaysia je tetiba dah berpuluh-puluh anak sedara. Uhuks.
I wish I had more time with them, or maybe... I wish they had more time with me. Now that they're married, their free time won't be for me. Huhuhu.
Toooooooootles! :3
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